“I Swear I Wasn’t Listening!”

Lots of people rent limousines and invite their closest friends for a special evening out to celebrate something. Most of the time there is one guest or couple that tries to take charge of the party or have a few too many ideas on what everyone else should do. These people always want the chauffeur to do what they say instead of the client, who is actually paying the bill. It’s a challenge. I want to treat my clients’ guests with great care, but sometimes it can be hard to do with a straight face.

One time, a couple called and said, “We wanted to reserve a limousine. We want to be picked up first, then driven to each of our guests’ homes. We’ll pick each couple up and then head to the city for a fun dinner and maybe cocktails and dancing.” We booked the event with no problems.

The day arrived, and I pulled up at the clients’ home on time. “We are so excited,” they said. “All of our friends are waiting for us to pick them up. We have all the directions and addresses for easy pickups.”

On our way to the first guest’s home, which was about ten minutes away, I looked into the rearview mirror. “Where would you like to go for dinner and drinks?” I asked. They said that they would let me know when the rest of the guests were in the limousine.

After picking up the last guests, the party decided on a great place for dinner and another great place for drinks afterward. Heading for the city, I heard the champagne cork hit the ceiling of the limousine; the party had begun!

When we arrived at the restaurant, everyone got out of the limousine with smiles on their faces. They had been fairly quiet on the ride up, just friendly talking and enjoying the scenery. The couple that rented the limousine said, “We will call you when we are ready to go.”

As they headed inside, the last couple to be picked up came up and said, “Are you charging us while we are having dinner?”

I said, “Excuse me?”

He reiterated, “Are you charging us when we are not in the limousine?”

I was dumbstruck. I finally responded with, “The limousine is rented for the evening, whether it waits here or down the street.”

But this didn’t satisfy them. “Don’t you go off and do other jobs, pick people up on corners for cash while we are at dinner?”

I said, “I don’t know who told you what chauffeurs do with their time, or where you heard that, or what limousine company that you use, but our policy is very strict. When we are hired by a client, we are instructed to wait for that client. That’s what we do! We are ready when you are ready! Our cars are impeccably maintained, and we take great care of all your belongings when they are left in the limousine.”

After that reply, they just walked into the restaurant for dinner. It felt good to say that. I left to find a place to park and have my own dinner while I waited for them to finish theirs and give me a call.

About three hours later, the call came in from the guest of the client, the same one who had confronted me earlier. He said that they were having dessert and that they would be out in about fifteen minutes. Then the questions came again. “Have you been waiting? Or have you been out making money?”

I thought to myself, Who is this guy? And why is he calling? But I tried to be respectful, stating that the limousine would be there in ten minutes in front of the restaurant. Then I hung up the phone.

After picking the party up and avoiding that certain guest, we were headed to the highest point in the city; it was a hotel famous for its cocktails and dancing, which ranged from swing to waltz. The music was live, and the bands were big. After dropping the group off, it was time to find another place to park. This part of the city had very little parking.

As I pulled the limousine out to leave, one of the bellmen waved me back in. I guessed it was okay to park there if I wanted, so I did. I took the extra time to get dessert; this place had the best chocolate cake!

About an hour later I got a call from that same guest to pick them up in ten minutes. He asked the same question, “Are you still out picking up people on the corner making extra money?”

It was hard not to get annoyed. I said, “No, sir, the limousine is downstairs, where it has been the whole time.” I hung up, not giving him a chance to ask any more questions.

When they came down, they were all slightly drunk. They had been dancing and were all worked up, especially my favorite guest and his wife. They requested another bar on the other side of town, which was not the best area. I was thinking to myself, Why are they going there? They had just had dinner at one of the finest restaurants in town, and then drinks and dancing at one of the most expensive hotels in town, and now they are going to one of the worst places in town! I just knew it was because of that guy who kept asking if I would be out soliciting business on the corner while they were having dinner!

Sure enough, in the limo I could hear that couple trying to persuade the other guests, who did not want to go into the place. Finally they harassed the others so much that all of them went in. I never even got out of the limousine to help them. As a woman, I knew better than to make myself vulnerable in this part of town late at night. You just can’t trust people late at night.

After about half an hour, my client called and said that they were ready to go, so I pulled back around and picked them up, and we headed for home. My client said that I should take everyone home in the order from the way they were picked up. That would mean taking my clients home and then the farthest passengers last—which, unfortunately, were the same guests that had caused me so much trouble.

After dropping off my client and collecting from him the balance of charges for the evening, I proceeded to take the rest of his guests home. Finally it was just me and the last couple, the sleazy bar couple. They were even different than the other guests in the ways they dressed and talked. I couldn’t figure out why they were with the rest of these people, who had seemed pretty nice. They must be relatives, I guessed.

The man made his way up to the divider window and asked me how much more time they could have in the limousine.

I looked back at him and said, “There is no time left. I am to take you home, and that will be the end of the reservation.”

He said, “How about I give you twenty bucks for an extra hour, and you can drive us around?”

My jaw suddenly felt tight. This guy just had no class! I said to him, “Look, it’s late, and I want to go home. I will take you home, and if you would like more time in the limousine, you can call the office and make a reservation for another time.”

He said, “You can keep the twenty bucks for yourself; no one will know.”

Now I started driving faster; I was getting pissed! He got the message, went back to the rear of the limousine, and rolled up the divider window. Not more than thirty seconds after that, I could hear him and his wife arguing. I could hear her saying, “She can hear us, she can hear us.”

Then I could hear him saying, “She can’t hear a damn thing.”

His wife said, “I know she can hear.”

He said, “You stupid bitch, you are so stupid! I can’t believe you’re so stupid.”

She said, “I just know she can hear us.”

All of a sudden he got even louder, saying the worst things I have ever heard from the back of the limousine—in fact, the worst things I had ever heard in my life! He started telling his wife that she was fat, that he wished he had never married her, that she was ugly, and that no one else would ever want her. He went on and on, saying things that I don’t even want to repeat. It made me so mad!

At that point I wanted to pull over and kick his ass out of the car! I didn’t care what I had to do. This guy was disgusting—a verbal abuser, and sleazy to top it off.

Just then I could hear him saying, “Oh well, now you want it? Now you want it, you stupid bitch, we only have two blocks to get home, and now you want it!”

I floored the pedal that last two blocks, slid into home base, and got out of the limousine as fast as I could to let these two weird, sadistic people out of the car. As they exited the limousine, the man said to me, “Can you hear anything when that window is up?”

I looked at him and said, very quietly, trying to contain my anger, “I could hear everything that you said, and I think you are a complete asshole! Just make sure that you never call our company for anything!”

He looked at me, astonished, then turned around and walked away. I was still so mad that I wanted to tell this guy off even more! I wanted to tell his wife off for letting him treat her that way. I got into the car and headed for home. Even when I got home, I was still pissed!

The next day I told the office what had happened, just in case that couple tried to call and complain, or tried to get a refund for not driving them around for twenty bucks. I couldn’t believe that the other guests would even associate with that guy! I wondered if they even knew how he was in private with his wife. Well, at least he didn’t hit her or damage the limousine. If that had been the case, I would have driven him straight to the police station and turned him in. I was just glad that it was over.